If I had a camera, I would take a photograph of the bread I made today and take a survey of the best caption. Choices:
a) Trees poke out from the pale cliffs off the coast of Ireland. The white rocks at top have been causing avalanches in recent years, threatening wildlife.
b) A frog infestation in Nabisco's factory caused crackers and other food products to turn a flaky green and erupt in dandruff and warts.
c) Gertrude Wickems before receiving Botox treatment.
d) After (in an anti-meth ad)
Here are some rules for making bread:
1. Measure out your yeast, sugar, and water. Use the right amount.
2. If you need a little more water, don't put a lot more water in.
3. Cover/dust your hands with flour so the dough doesn't stick to your hands.
4. If you're halving the recipe, don't do cursory math in your head, and don't guess how many teaspoons are in a tablespoon.
5. If you're doing math, use measuring spoons. There's no point in doing the math if you're just going to dump/shake/sprinkle in "probably about that much" anyway.
6. Don't make stuff up unless you know what you're doing. If this is the first time you've made bread without a breadmaker, follow the recipe carefully.
Success post forthcoming.